The Effects
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Well let's just start by mentioning what time it currently is. 4:34. AM. I've been awake since about 3:30, and slept like total shit. That's a pretty common occurrence these days. The stress-induced dreams have been terrible - many centering around being trapped (and I swear this isn't an outward concern of mine). Others are about my school.... quitting, not finishing an assignment, not being able to register. Last night, I couldn't get to my kids. I could see them, but couldn't get to them. And the number of times I wake up a night is pretty miserable. I feel like I've worked so hard the past year to get my sleep pattern normalized. Supplements, routine, new pillows, new alarms - for it all to basically go out the window.
Mental.
Let's talk about the mindf@ck that can take hold if we allow. I spent the good part of yesterday doing something I haven't done in YEARS. Seriously, YEARS. You know when you go to take a deep breath, and you just don't feel like your really get a solid and full breath in? So you take another deep breath? And then another? Until you either yawn or continue the idiocracy until you get that air deep into your chest. That was me. It was something I remember doing as a little girl. It drove myself and people around me crazy. And yesterday, it came back. I was pretty convinced I wasn't able to breath and this had to mean it was the start of the "symptoms."
I mean, is that a headache coming on? I think I have a headache. Do I? Shit. Another symptom.
It can take over if we allow it. It's creepy and unsettling and TOTALLY normal.
P.S. I'm completely fine.
Technology.
I'm grateful we have it. I'm grateful we have enough computers to go around. I'm grateful we have smart phones and Facetime and Zoom and.....whatever the app is.....to stay connected. I'm grateful we have Netflix and Prime and Disney+. I'm grateful we have damn good internet.
But Oh. My. Goodness. The technological OVERLOAD can be absolutely draining.
My kids.
Damn. I have good kids. They are creative and thoughtful. They know how to entertain themselves. They are pretty self-sufficient when it comes to online learning. But they feel it as well. My teenager needs her friends. The social being in her is slowing dying each day. I'm pretty sure she Facetimes all day every day, but at this point, I don't blame her. I very well remember the days of having a phone attached to my ear. Falling asleep with *boy name inserted here on the other end of the line. Dragging a phone with an extra long telephone cord from the game room to my bedroom. It's no different. And I'm ok with it. The younger one announced last week that she plans to never ask to be homeschooled again once this is all over. That was a HUGE statement coming from her. *Side note: she admitted with a smile, this probably wouldn't happen but she would try. ;-) But I do worry about her. We need to be careful with the 'virus' talk. The amount of news, even if on in the background, has to be monitored. She has worked for the past year on controlling her OCD and social anxiety. Quarantine is a breeding ground for this to all go out the window. It is such a crucial time. Handwashing - very much neccessary - for her looks different. It can easily become an issue. Fears of falling asleep and not waking up have crept back in. However, the difference between a year ago and now - she is aware. And she has made me so proud in her ability to acknowledge her fears and work to not let them take over. It's a daily battle.
My husband.
Damn. I have a good husband. 3 weeks of constant togetherness and I still like him. A lot. I chose right 20 years ago
P.S. He.announced today, his quarantine goal, "if I am not leaving the house, I think I'll stop wearing underwear." Umm....less laundry? Works for me.
The dogs.
Well, they won with this quarantined life.
The World.
It's easy to see the ugly. The hoarding. The politics. The selfishness. The bickering. It's depressing and disappointing.
But there is so much good happening as well.
Quaranding-dong-ditch - Spreading the Love - Jimmy Fallon - Some Good News - Reaching out - The block parades for birthdays, births, and other celebrations. Just to name a few.
There is a lot of good.
So let's not forget that we are all going through this in our own way. A friend and I were texting the other day and she said how bassackward's things were right now. "I'm well rested but tired. Full and always hungry. Loooove my family and want them gone." I added to that, bored as hell but overwhelmed. Want to workout but don't want to work out. Have a fridge (or two) full of food, but eat Ramen for dinner (with a side of wine or G&T).
It's real, y'all.
Let's not forget that these are all effects of crisis and trauma. And the whole world is feeling those effects.
I keep reminding myself, we are in this together. It's not just me.
If you need a pick me up, reach out.
In the words of Michael Jackson:
You are not alone.
Well let's just start by mentioning what time it currently is. 4:34. AM. I've been awake since about 3:30, and slept like total shit. That's a pretty common occurrence these days. The stress-induced dreams have been terrible - many centering around being trapped (and I swear this isn't an outward concern of mine). Others are about my school.... quitting, not finishing an assignment, not being able to register. Last night, I couldn't get to my kids. I could see them, but couldn't get to them. And the number of times I wake up a night is pretty miserable. I feel like I've worked so hard the past year to get my sleep pattern normalized. Supplements, routine, new pillows, new alarms - for it all to basically go out the window.
Mental.
Let's talk about the mindf@ck that can take hold if we allow. I spent the good part of yesterday doing something I haven't done in YEARS. Seriously, YEARS. You know when you go to take a deep breath, and you just don't feel like your really get a solid and full breath in? So you take another deep breath? And then another? Until you either yawn or continue the idiocracy until you get that air deep into your chest. That was me. It was something I remember doing as a little girl. It drove myself and people around me crazy. And yesterday, it came back. I was pretty convinced I wasn't able to breath and this had to mean it was the start of the "symptoms."
I mean, is that a headache coming on? I think I have a headache. Do I? Shit. Another symptom.
It can take over if we allow it. It's creepy and unsettling and TOTALLY normal.
P.S. I'm completely fine.
Technology.
I'm grateful we have it. I'm grateful we have enough computers to go around. I'm grateful we have smart phones and Facetime and Zoom and.....whatever the app is.....to stay connected. I'm grateful we have Netflix and Prime and Disney+. I'm grateful we have damn good internet.
But Oh. My. Goodness. The technological OVERLOAD can be absolutely draining.
My kids.
Damn. I have good kids. They are creative and thoughtful. They know how to entertain themselves. They are pretty self-sufficient when it comes to online learning. But they feel it as well. My teenager needs her friends. The social being in her is slowing dying each day. I'm pretty sure she Facetimes all day every day, but at this point, I don't blame her. I very well remember the days of having a phone attached to my ear. Falling asleep with *boy name inserted here on the other end of the line. Dragging a phone with an extra long telephone cord from the game room to my bedroom. It's no different. And I'm ok with it. The younger one announced last week that she plans to never ask to be homeschooled again once this is all over. That was a HUGE statement coming from her. *Side note: she admitted with a smile, this probably wouldn't happen but she would try. ;-) But I do worry about her. We need to be careful with the 'virus' talk. The amount of news, even if on in the background, has to be monitored. She has worked for the past year on controlling her OCD and social anxiety. Quarantine is a breeding ground for this to all go out the window. It is such a crucial time. Handwashing - very much neccessary - for her looks different. It can easily become an issue. Fears of falling asleep and not waking up have crept back in. However, the difference between a year ago and now - she is aware. And she has made me so proud in her ability to acknowledge her fears and work to not let them take over. It's a daily battle.
My husband.
Damn. I have a good husband. 3 weeks of constant togetherness and I still like him. A lot. I chose right 20 years ago
P.S. He.announced today, his quarantine goal, "if I am not leaving the house, I think I'll stop wearing underwear." Umm....less laundry? Works for me.
The dogs.
Well, they won with this quarantined life.
The World.
It's easy to see the ugly. The hoarding. The politics. The selfishness. The bickering. It's depressing and disappointing.
But there is so much good happening as well.
Quaranding-dong-ditch - Spreading the Love - Jimmy Fallon - Some Good News - Reaching out - The block parades for birthdays, births, and other celebrations. Just to name a few.
There is a lot of good.
So let's not forget that we are all going through this in our own way. A friend and I were texting the other day and she said how bassackward's things were right now. "I'm well rested but tired. Full and always hungry. Loooove my family and want them gone." I added to that, bored as hell but overwhelmed. Want to workout but don't want to work out. Have a fridge (or two) full of food, but eat Ramen for dinner (with a side of wine or G&T).
It's real, y'all.
Let's not forget that these are all effects of crisis and trauma. And the whole world is feeling those effects.
I keep reminding myself, we are in this together. It's not just me.
If you need a pick me up, reach out.
In the words of Michael Jackson:
You are not alone.
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